If you follow my social media or are a long-time reader of this blog, then you are aware that two years ago, we decided to make a major change and move out of Illinois. Moving to Missouri was a long-time dream and goal shared with my husband. So it was in August of 2020, that the opportunity found us when we weren't actively seeking it. It's funny how things work out, isn't it? And one thing is certain, I've grown to love our new hometown. Moving to a brand new town does come with its unique challenges, especially for moms. To name a few...
- Not having any local connections.
- Navigating a brand new school system (during a pandemic).
- Overall uncertainty and moments of self-doubt. Did we make the right choice?
- Realizing very quickly just how "clique-y" our new hometown is and wondering if I would fit in.
- A crazy, strange and awkward situation (one that will remain unmentioned) that made me extra apprehensive to plant roots in our new hometown. If you are close friends with us, then you know exactly what I'm talking about! It's funny now. Back then, it left me saying "what on earth?"
In a recent conversation with one of my longtime best friends, we discussed our experiences with navigating the world of mom friends. It didn't take long for us to discover that our individual experiences shared a lot of similarities. This got me thinking. We can't be the only ones!
What I'm about to share isn't meant to offend, criticize or place blame. What I'm about to share is my own experience (with a hint of hers) that I know other moms will relate to.
If you've ever felt alone or isolated as a mom in your community, then this is for you.
Mom friends. They can be your biggest advocates, a supportive system, encouragement and a much needed confidence boost. They can be your favorite cup of coffee, accountability partner or someone you regularly text. If you're like me (and this particular friend), you might speak to them on several different platforms simultaneously, yet somehow manage to keep each conversation separate.
However, mom friends can feel like the most challenging thing in the world to find. You can be standing in a room full of fellow moms and still feel so alone. You can bravely put yourself out there, but to no avail. You can think you've connected with a fellow mom, only to receive zero response when reaching out. You can try to form a new bond, but it doesn’t work out.
It can feel isolating. It can feel lonely. But when you finally make a genuine connection with a fellow mom, it can feel uplifting!
When we decided to make the move to Missouri, there were my original mom friends who stuck by me and there were the mom friends who surprisingly did not. I also realized that I needed to find that level of support in my new hometown and I made it a goal. There were moments where I said "hello" only to be ignored. Ouch. There were those who I assumed would embrace me from crossing paths in early chapters of life. They did not. On the opposite side of the spectrum, there were the connections that happened 100% organically with no pressure and zero judgement.
Those organic connections? Those are gold! You know who you are!
As I took a deep dive into this particular topic and shared my thoughts with my friend, it not only helped to encourage her, but also reaffirmed my thoughts. I realize that we live in a judgmental society. It's unfortunate, but it's true. Social media has only amplified that (remember that you're only seeing the highlight reel). Things like "working mom" versus "stay-at-home mom" continue to divide a community that I believe should come together and lift each other up regardless of status. Just because I show up to a class party in corporate apparel and you're rocking your leggings (I'm jealous of that by the way), doesn't mean that I don't have the utmost respect for you! Our differing mom perspectives and circumstances could be very powerful when combined! Moms supporting moms. Moms creating change. That has a nice ring, doesn’t it?
I also encouraged her to just keep being herself (advice that I took to heart as I gave it). The best mom friend connections are completely organic and free of pressure. They happen out of the blue, whether it's in the parking lot of the school, spotting a mom with her hands full and offering a helping hand, at a class party, or at a community event. Whether it's one or two...or perhaps you've landed yourself in a local mom squad, you will find your people. It's important to have those mom connections to help each other out. Whether it's a reminder that school is not in session (I often need that one), or perhaps it's your day for snack duty....you need help with carpool, you are lost trying to find your way somewhere, you need advice that pertains to your hometown.....mom friends are an important part of this current chapter.
Have you found yourself feeling at a loss when trying to make new mom connections? Let's start a dialogue! You will quickly realize that you are not alone. Here's to the long-time mom friends who continue to inspire us and to those we haven't even met yet! This one's for you!
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