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No One Prepared Me for This

This is the part of motherhood that I feel no one prepared me for. Perhaps you can't really be prepared at all. I didn't think it would happen as quickly as it did. 

I'm talking about the day you wake up and your firstborn child is looking you in the eye and well on the way to surpassing your height. Can we not? 

Seriously! 

Sending Rhylan to middle school last year was a very tough concept to grasp. I've come to terms with being the mother of a middle schooler. I mean...what choice do I have? In doing so, I've had a front row seat to extraordinary growth (and I'm not just talking about physically). I've watched him overcome so much. Whether it was constant encounters with a bully (no one prepares you for that either), watching him navigate tough decisions, strengthening his sportsmanship or taking accountability... I'm constantly amazed by him. Last year was fifth grade. He seemed like a baby walking into that giant middle school. We're currently immersed in the world of sixth grade and he's just grown so much. 

2010 was the year he first made me a mom and it was in that year, that it seemed he'd be little forever. That is not the case! Before I knew it, I woke up one day and his adorable baby blue eyes were looking directly into mine. I realized that holy moly....this kiddo is going to pass me up soon. Those little boy innocent moments, those little boy hugs, those moments where he called me "mommy" are all a sensory memory. The daily hugs are still very much there. However, they just hit differently these days. 

Because I became a mom at age 23, I feel like we've literally grown up together. I recall watching my own parents navigate life when I was his age, without realizing that I was witnessing them doing the same. Perhaps I'm just feeling some sort of emotional way this week. Maybe it's because my sister just welcomed a new baby boy that I'm far more aware of just how grown up my once baby boy is. Either way, I am not ready to close the door on little boy Rhylan. However, I'm very much loving the young man he is becoming. He's already had to overcome so much in this fast paced world, but he does so in a way that makes me very proud. I don't expect him to be perfect. I want him to make mistakes. At the same time, I want him to feel that he can talk to me about anything. 

From that little baby boy, to the suddenly 12 year old preteen....the hugs feel like grown up hugs, he no longer calls me mommy and I carry a brand new kind of worry on his behalf these days. One thing is certain. I will always be a safe space, even when I'm the one looking up at him. But goodness no one prepared me for this. 

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