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When It's Your Child

I've been struggling with how to put this into words. I know that many moms will be able to relate. I'm talking about the adjustment and transitional phase of your child in school. So let's dive right in...

First, let's talk about me. I'm not referring to the "me" that you know as a family member, friend or co-worker. I'm talking about me as a mom. Being a mom brings me the greatest joy. Along with joy, comes times of frustration and moments where you question yourself. Am I doing a good job? Do my kids understand just how much I love them? What else can I do to teach valuable life lessons? In a life full of mom-shamers and a very judgemental society, that tends to hide behind their social media handle or think they can say whatever they want from behind their computer screen, we are often held to the highest of standards. That can be a major pill to swallow. 

As a mom, I've always just "done my own thing" and I try not to let society influence my parenting styles. That being said, I know that I am a very good mother. I know that my children have a great life as there are others out there who are not near as fortunate. I work hard both in my career and my home life to teach my kids that same ethic. I try to use my own experiences to teach those valuable lessons. I don't expect my kids to be perfect as I know that making mistakes is one of the best ways to learn. 

With all of this being said, there is one place where I don't always know what's going on and I can't always choose the outcome of certain situations. I'm talking about school. We are nearing the end of kindergarten and it hasn't been a walk in the park like I envisioned. My son has been in trouble so many times that I've lost count. The phone calls come from the principal or the teacher and I can feel the judgement radiating through the phone. Do these people not understand how much effort I give to being the best parent I can be? So why does my child misbehave at school? When you enroll your kid in school, you know there will be those children labeled "trouble makers," but you never think it will be your own.

I get it, five and six year olds are not going to act 100% perfect. They are still transitioning from being little ones to boys and girls and their attention spans for a full school day can be trying. However, some of the things that my child gets in trouble for absolutely baffle me. I find it hard to believe that the version of my kid that I see at home would actually do the things he gets in trouble for. I know for a fact that a couple instances weren't actually his fault. I have the apology letter to prove it, but there are still instances that I have a difficult time grasping. 

It makes me wonder where I've gone wrong. I wish the people who punish my child at school could see just how great of a home life that my children have. I wish they could see just how involved I try to be. They will never understand that, because my child is often in trouble. I just cannot understand why my child can't keep himself in check at school. There are so many children out there who don't have a positive home life and I wish my six year old could understand just how fortunate he is. 

Today's phone call was an emotional one for me. My son used profanity in class and told the principal that he hears it from me. ME! I would never use those words in front of my child. Never. So what made him place the blame on me? It's hurtful and shocking. He could have picked that word up almost anywhere and yet I am to blame? All of the efforts that I put out there as a mother have brought me to this point? 

I'm just not sure where I went wrong. I want all moms to know that we are in this together. No one is perfect. I'm not perfect. We can do our absolute best and sometimes things like this happen. I'm not always going to be able to stand over him and keep him in check. There has to be a way to make him understand that the way he acts reflects on us as parents. After today, I'm hurt and shocked. Did he just panic and therefore place the blame on his mother, because I'm his safety net? 

I hope that kindergarten was a transitional year and that he will grasp acceptable behavior in the years to come. Otherwise it's going to be a very long and bumpy road to graduation day...

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