Autopilot

For the first time in almost twenty years, I was pulled over by a police officer. For some this isn't a big deal, but for me, it left me with lasting impact. Want to hear the story? 

Last Thursday, I left work feeling mentally exhausted, more than normal. I put my hot mess express in drive and headed for home, just like I do on every single work day. How often do we drive somewhere without a recollection of how we got there? How often are we driving while spaced out?  Here's the scary part. I don't remember the drive. I have a mental block somewhere as a result of constantly running on autopilot. 

Sometimes the pressures of career life, married life, parenting life and everyday life take their toll on us. Am I right? I try my best to use my commute as a time to gather myself, clear my head and get ready for the next phase of my days. On this particular day, I felt so drained. I hadn't slept well in a while. I felt like I was carrying a massive load and I drove home, for lack of a better term, freakin' tired. We talk about the risks of driving tired at night, but it's also very possible to drive tired during the day. In my case, I was driving mentally tired, which can often feel worse than being physically tired. 

I am very thankful to live in a town that is heavily patrolled by its local police force. I see them all of the time, which gives me a sense of felt safety and further solidifies our decision to move there. I took my typical exit, turning into town off of the highway, just like I always do. About a block into town, I saw cop lights in my rearview. My first inner thought was "oh my! I wonder who they're going after." Turns out it was me. 

When the cop came to my window, I was literally shaking like a leaf! My entire body vibrated in fear. I feared for whatever punishment was waiting for me. I also feared what a ticket would cost. What I feared most was that I didn't have any idea why I was being stopped. Clearly I'm not meant to be a criminal. 😉 

The cop told me that I rolled through a stop sign, in a residential area. I try my best to be a good, attentive driver. I truly didn't remember going through that intersection at all, which is scary in itself. She also accused me of being on my phone. I 100% was not, so I did tell her otherwise. The hands-free law is something I take very seriously as I look around and see other drivers using their phones. It scares me so much and I hate that our world has come to that. As a mother, protecting my kids when we travel is something I take seriously. No text message or notification is worth that risk. I kindly responded to the officer's accusations. I was not about to get a phone ticket when I wasn't on my phone. 

"I assure you that I wasn't on my phone, but I take full responsibility for running that stop sign. I am feeling a bit spacey from a long work day and I truly apologize. I will be more careful going forward and appreciate your reminder."

The officer was very kind in her response to me and after verifying my information, she sent me on my way. I'm so thankful that she gave me another chance. The real lesson here? How often are we living our lives on autopilot? Personally I've felt like this for quite some time. Getting stopped by a cop was eye opening for me and the wake up call I didn't realize I needed. Having children of my own and living in a community with kids everywhere, I know that running that stop sign could have been detrimental. 

Going forward, if I'm feeling tired, drained or on autopilot, I am going to give myself that little bit of time to wake up. Whether that's grabbing a coffee, taking a quick walk or just breathing...let's all be more aware of our state of mind before we get behind the wheel.