Hashi-Huh?

The feeling of being trapped in your own body as it spirals out of control....how many of you have felt that way? I started 2023 in the doctor's office to talk about the crazy symptoms I had been experiencing (yet trying to deny) for the last year. Here's a run-down of the hot mess-ness that I found all consuming for far too long:

• Hair Loss
• Uncontrollable Weight Gain
• Debilitating Fatigue 
• Joint & Muscle Pain
• Terrible Menstrual Cycles
• Sensitivity to Cold
• Anxiety and Depression

I remember absolutely cringing inside as I put this laundry list of front of my doctor. My inner narrative (this is something I'm still working on) can be so harsh and I had myself convinced that I was being a baby and needed to suck it up. However, "suck it up" was no longer an option. My TSH levels indicated a thyroid issue, which was commonly linked to the list of symptoms I presented. The first diagnosis was that of Hypothyroid Disorder and I was immediately put on Levothyroxin. 

Month after month, my symptoms were not getting any better. I realize that relief doesn't happen overnight, but it was becoming very defeating for me. I was having a hard time being myself, not just personally, but as a mom and as a leader at work. I felt like I was dragging myself through the everyday. The exhaustion I felt on the daily was intense. There were times when I was driving home, in broad daylight, that I felt like I could pull over, close my eyes and sleep; that maybe I was too tired to be operating a vehicle. I was forcing myself through literally everything - mom life, work life, exercise, cleaning house, social interactions....you name it. I also felt like I couldn't talk to anybody about it, because no one seemed to understand. My therapist became my go-to, as well as a friend who came into my life when I needed her most. This friend also has Hypothyroid Disorder and finally I had someone to talk to outside of the therapist's office.* 

I'm the kind of person who will spend countless hours trying to learn as much as possibly can about the things that impact my life or that of the ones I love. Hypothyroid Disorder was no exception. The more I read and the more educational videos I watched, the more powerful I felt and the more I started to understand that while my illness left me feeling out of control, there were still factors that I could control. I just had to figure out how! This was the boost I needed to keep pushing forward until I felt like myself again. 

In the months to come, I underwent countless lab draws and follow up appointments where I wasn't improving, not at all. My weight continued to climb, despite my active lifestyle. The fatigue was all-consuming. My hair was still coming out in huge chunks. I just felt like crud. By summer, I decided that I couldn't wait any longer and decided to take matters into my own hands. I did two things. First, I eliminated gluten from my diet. How? Cold turkey. I noticed a drastic change in my symptoms after the first two weeks of going gluten free. Gluten was the first autoimmune "trigger" that I was able to pinpoint. Second, I begged my doctor for a referral to an Endocrinologist to which she obliged. If I heard her tell me one more time to just wait it out and keep taking your medicine, I was going to snap. I couldn't do it any longer. My weight still continued to climb, despite my dietary changes, exercise routine and medication. I still battled that laundry list of symptoms. It truly was in her best interest and mine to let me speak to someone who specializes in the thyroid.  

It took months to get an appointment. However it was worth the wait. It didn't take him long to realize that Hypothyroid Disorder wasn't the correct diagnosis. Levothyroxin wasn't the right medication. And in fact, I didn't have Hypothyroid Disorder at all. Hashimoto's Disease is often mistaken for Hypothyroid Disorder  and I happened to be a walking poster child for it. This completely changed the game for me. Starting with...what on earth is Hashimoto's? Hashi-huh?

How has Hashimoto's Disease impacted my life? Stay tuned for part 2.

*To this friend, I know I spiraled HARD this past year. I know that I put a lot of that on you. You never stopped listening. We lift each other up on our worst days and we support each other on the daily. You never stop caring and I'm blessed to have you in my life.