Are You Sitting Down?

That's the very question, I've asked anyone close to me before breaking our news. So are you sitting down? 

Let's go back three days ago - 9:30 in the morning, I confidently walked into my doctor's office to talk about my 2nd pregnancy. I mean what was there to worry about? This isn't my first rodeo, ya know. I was cool, confident and collected. I was 9 weeks and 5 days along.

I sat through the routine questions. You know, the ones where they ask you if you do club drugs? I talked to my doctor about what I've been experiencing, including frequent nausea and unbearable fatigue that literally knocks me out by 7:30 pm. I had already gained 8 pounds, which was shocking, because I've been eating well and working out. But the doctor was not concerned with that and said, "Let's take a look at your little one." 

I was so anxious to see that little bean with a flickering heart ever since I got that positive pregnancy test! So this was the moment, that it would all be confirmed. The anxiety faded as soon as I saw that little being on the screen with that little flickering heart. I really tried to take that moment in, because it all seemed like such a blur with my first pregnancy.

"Oh I thought I picked up another sac..." These words are now permanently embedded in my brain. I looked at the doctor and thought she was quite the comedian. Why would you scare me like that? After all, I still only saw one baby. I started to laugh until she moved the doppler and in that millisecond, my life had changed forever and I felt like my world had been turned upside down.

This was no joke! Two little babies in two separate sacs! I immediately started to cry and almost felt bad, because how many TV shows have you seen where the couple finds out they are having twins and they scream and jump with joy. Well they don't show the parts involving the labor and delivery, expenses and the car I was now going to need to purchase. I lost my mind in all of it! 

How on earth are we going to pay for this? I have to sell my Prius for a van! I'm going to have one of those massive strollers and everyone is going to want to stop and stare! Oh my gosh DAYCARE! Will Rhylan feel left out? I'm going to get huge in the SUMMER! How will I ever sleep again? How will I clean my house? How am I going to do this?? I felt like I knew absolutely nothing about being a mother. Like I was going to have to learn everything all over again! It was the most scared I've ever been and it all happened in a matter of seconds. 

I remember my Mom saying, "Don't even go there. It's all going to be okay. We're going to have two babies!" Her excitement almost made me feel bad for panicking. She was over the moon! Just bursting to shout it from the rooftops! My husband stood there in shock, but was comforting and seemed confident. Of course he had to be, because I was panicking enough for the both of us. 

I don't remember anything that happened after that shock to my system. I was crying uncontrollably while trying to listen. The doctor did say that, the babies being in separate sacs was a big plus, that they are perfectly healthy and everything looks great! This was reassuring, despite my panic! 

I went to have my lab done and I do recall wanting to punch the lab technician directly in the face for pretty much saying that she was glad that it wasn't her in my shoes. Really? Go work in another department!! 

The car ride home was silent. Dead silent. My husband held my hand and we both just stared straight ahead into the future that was coming our way and fast!