2019 Crystal

"Life is tough my darling, but so are you."

2018 was a year of incredible self-growth for me for a huge variety of reasons. I had my highs and my lows. There were events in the last year that lit a fire inside of me and I decided going into 2019; that I would go into the new year with my best and strongest foot forward. I found my voice. I've learned that despite what you may see on social media, we are all often fighting different inner battles, myself included. Kindness is so important for this reason. We should be lifting each other up instead of breaking each other down. A compliment or a simple "hello" can go a very long way. So if you take anything out of this blog, I want it to be that. At the same time, I want to share with you what self-growth has done for me as we are embarking upon 2019.

Self-care. I don't know if it's because I actually make this a priority now, but I am all of a sudden seeing "self-care" content everywhere, but it is of the utmost importance. I remember the exact day...last November when I reached a breaking point. I literally broke into a million little pieces from emotions, stress and anxiety. Me. The girl who always has it all together. I realized that I had to find a channel...an outlet...a place to pour out my heart and soul in order to be the best version of me and the best mother to my children. One of the perks of where I work is a gym membership. Fitness was something that I used to love and had let fall to the back burner to my mom life and my career. Now while I love being a mom and I love my career field, I knew that there was a piece missing to my puzzle. Enter self-care. I walked into my that gym, feeling broken and channeled everything I was feeling into cardio. Let me be clear. It was emotions that made me enter the gym, but it is the lifestyle that came with it that has helped me to feel whole again. I look forward to it. I crave it. I love the way I feel physically and emotionally because of it. While it doesn't have to be the gym, I encourage you to find that outlet, an activity of your own. You deserve to take that time for yourself. 

Confidence. I've always been a confident person, or so I've been told that I come across as such. Here's the thing. I stopped caring what people thought of me. It's okay if my hair and makeup are not perfect. It's okay if someone randomly stops by and I'm unprepared, because I'm also human. I am embracing my 30's. I like who I am becoming. I am finding that with age, comes newfound wisdom and the confidence to know that you CAN make things happen for yourself. Walk into that job interview, that audition, whatever it may be with your head held high knowing that you are great at what you do regardless of if you are chosen. Continue smiling and being kind to that angry person at the checkout counter. Say hello to a random stranger. Hold your head high in all that you do. When one door closes, another opens. Keep going. Never stop. 

Friendships. In the last year, I have truly learned the value of quality over quantity. Let me rephrase that. My 20's were eye-opening in that aspect. During your 20's, you will truly figure out who your true friends are and before you know it, you are left with the "quality" friendships that are sure to be lifelong. I believe that friends are the family that you choose and my goodness am I blessed in that department! You ladies know exactly who you are. I would be lost without you. 

Step outside of your comfort zone. For me...I am embarking on the journey of learning to shoot guns. For me, this is a huge deal. I've always been afraid of guns and don't trust them. I want to learn the mechanics of them, the respect it takes to own and operate guns and to be quite honest, I want to be able to defend myself. I was shaking in my boots (literally) on the day I got the opportunity to be around a variety of guns and shoot a couple of them. I felt afraid, but I squeezed that trigger and felt invigorated. I conquered my fear. My ultimate goal is to acquire my conceal and carry license. On another note, I have the itch to get a tattoo. 

Attitude. I was having a conversation with a co-worker today and said something that inspired me to write this reflective post. Attitude and perspective are everything. I've learned not to let others walk all over me anymore. I put my best foot forward and don't let others bring me down with their negativity or condescending attitude. I look back and I realize that I let some people take advantage of the kindness that I have in my heart. And while I still believe that kindness is important, it's also so important to stand up for yourself and that it's okay to put yourself first at times. I'll admit, I'm still growing in this area, but even just saying "no" to something that I don't want to do instead of making myself miserable or over-scheduling myself makes for a much happier me. I vowed to say "no" in 2019 and it really does make a difference. 

Emotions. It's okay to let them out at times. You don't have to hold them in and appear happy all of the time. It's okay to turn to your close friends. It's okay to cry on your mom's shoulder. It's okay to admit that everything isn't perfect. It's okay when things don't work out. Just remember to use that confidence and attitude as I mentioned earlier to work on building yourself up. 

Goals. Keep them in your grasp. Work toward them. Use them as fuel to your motivational fire. Whether it's a cash envelope to save up for that trip that you never thought you'd take or that pair of jeans that you never thought you'd fit into...no matter what your goals are big or small, essential or even a little materialistic, they are yours and no one can take them from you. No matter if it takes you a year or five years to reach them, you can do it! 

Mom life. I feel like this is an area that I find needs continued growth. As my children grow, I realize that I have to do the same as a mother. The needs of my kids continue to change throughout the various stages of childhood and I feel like I'm sprinting to keep up at times. It's so important to try and remember what it was like to be their age and to get down on their level to relate to them. Stop what you are doing from time to time and just hold them, if they'll let you. Stop what you are doing from time to time and just play with them. Stop what you are doing from time to time and just love them. Listen to them. We are in a constant state of go, go, go and it's so easy to get caught up in it. Laundry can wait. Dishes can wait. Clean floors can wait. The Bachelor's rose ceremony can wait. It's okay if you have to take a sick day to care for them. Personal days spent with your kids, because it's a snow day....it's okay! When it comes to being a mom, all I can do is just be in the moment with them and hope that I'm making a lasting impact. 

I found my voice in 2019 and I hope you have found yours, because it's definitely uplifting. Do I still have my "hot mess" days? For sure, but I'll never stop. Keep going. You've got this. We are all in this together.