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It's Okay to Say No

When you get that phone call....from the PTO asking if you would like to be head room parent for your son's classroom. Here's the thing. I would absolutely LOVE to do that. Turning it down absolutely killed me, but here's the thing. If I can't be all in, then I'm not willing. That's my mantra with most things. Sometimes it's hard not to feel that little twinge of mom guilt. At the same time, I have to keep my focus on my family's needs, our family calendar, my full-time career goals and make room for some self care in the crazy mix that is my life. 

When 2019 started, I wrote down my personal resolutions, one of which was to start saying no. How often do we overload our plates by  agreeing to things before we fully think them through? How many times have we maxed our budgets by saying "count us in" when friends and family invite you to things? How many mental breakdowns have we had, because we've taken on too much? Here's the thing mommas (and dads too if you're reading this), it's okay to say no. Say it with me. It's okay to say no. 

When I said no to the PTO opening, I thought to myself...I absolutely LOVE to party plan. I love kids. I love making kids happy. If I was a stay at home mom with time to dedicate to planning, crafting and wrangling a group of room mothers, I'd be a bad ass PTO head room parent. As a matter of fact, I raise my wine glass to all of you PTO parents out there. You are all freaking rockstars and I'm so grateful to all of the fun memories that you help the students make year after year. I often open your surveys and scheduling apps and wish I could do more. While you do those things, here's what I can do. If you ever need help picking up supplies, bringing snacks, cleaning up, etc., I am your girl! 

Where am I going with these thoughts? Lately I've been that mom whose plate is fully overloaded. And just when I think it's about to overflow, I add something else causing that plate to tip, adding stress to the things that I should be enjoying. No more. Overloading that plate and breaking down isn't at all helpful. I always strive to give the best version of myself to each and everything I commit to. And I realized that my love of helping out and willingness to give can sometimes kick me in the butt. 

On the opposite side of the spectrum, saying no and being okay with it feels pretty damn good. It feels good knowing that even though the room parent thing would be something I'd enjoy, if I can't give my best self to the job, then am I truly benefitting the kids and teachers depending on me? Nope. Would I enjoy adding it to my overflowing plate? Nope. Would I lose sleep over it? Yep. Do I truly have the time? Nope. Would it cost me time with my family? Yep. And for those reasons, I say no, take a deep breath, hold my head high and offer the kind of realistic parental support that I can confidently provide. 

I'm that mom, who when I hear there are children going without snacks in the classroom, hops on Amazon from my desk and sends two giant boxes of snacks to the teacher. I'm that mom who when the PTO needs volunteers to bring a portion of the classroom party, I'm there. I'm the mom who will work late and take an extended lunch to make my kiddos' parties/activities. I can give parts of myself to all kinds of things by bending a little bit here and there, but it's important to remember that we want to keep our plates balanced. 

Give the best version of yourself to each and everything you take on. If you can't do that, then just say no. It's okay to say no. 

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