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Perspective



"You gotta start romanticizing your life."

I recently stumbled upon this statement and it truly resonated with me. I've often been called a relentless optimist. I try to see the good in every situation and every person. While I believe that this is a strong quality to have, it can also be a negative one in that not everyone you come into contact with has the same intentions. I have had to learn to stop myself from investing too much of my time and energy into negative energies and situations that are not good for my mental health. While this trait has it's negative side, I believe that it's at least 90% positive! Now that I've explained my personal logic, let me share just a few ways that I romanticize certain aspects of my life. 

Mom Life
Let's discuss life with kids. Do I love being a mom? Yes. Do I always like parenting? No. However, even on the hard days, I'm so thankful for our kids. What if instead of focusing on the messes, meltdowns and mistakes, we all agreed to take each day as it comes and bring our best selves? What if we took notice of when we're running on sensory overload and need to take a breather? What if we took the extra time to plan ahead as much as possible to alleviate stress later? What if we practiced better self-care? What if we captured thousands of photos of the beautiful moments and when we need to, flip back through them? What if we apologized to our kids when we've either snapped at them, made a mistake or hurt their feelings to show them that we are human? What if we made time to laugh with them? What if we made an effort to hug them out of the blue? Those things, my friends, are the just a few that keep me motivated and how I romanticize my life as a mom. 

Commuter Life 
Last year we moved our family of five to Missouri, a decision that we didn't take lightly (the photo above was taken from our Missouri front porch). We live and work on opposite sides of the Mississippi River. With our move, comes a thirty-minute commute to work. I've always lived about five to ten minutes away from my places of employment. While I'm currently in the market for a commuter vehicle (Don't worry! The Hot Mess Express will still remain my primary mom vehicle!), the commuter life is one that I have adjusted to quite well. 

Outside perspectives tend to differ; perspectives who haven't "romanticized" a work commute. More often than not, the assumption is that "a commute must suck" or "I'm glad I don't have a commute like that." What if instead of commute, you thought of it as a time to sip coffee, be alone with your thoughts, learn new things through podcasts and take in sunrises and sunsets? That my friends is how I approach this whole commute thing. Once I stopped dwelling on the thirty minutes and realized what I could do with that time, I started to enjoy it. Now I truly enjoy it and find myself becoming readjusted by the time I get home, just in time to put my mom hat back on after a day on the job. 

Goals, Aspirations and Wishes
I can't be the only one who has a list miles long of these three things. Sometimes it can be tough to see others who seem to be further ahead than you are. Do you know what I mean? They have the big house that you dream of owning, the dream job, the stay-at-home mom life, the luxury vehicle, the dream vacations, the perfectly staged family photos on social media. I'm talking about envy here. It's human nature. And I'm not ashamed to say that being the goal driven, career driven, "super mom" driven person that I am, there are definitely times when I wonder why I'm not there yet. At the same time, I'm the biggest cheerleader for those who are.

However, here's where the romanticized part comes in. What if instead of dwelling on what we don't have, we wake up thankful for the things that we do have? My husband and I have conversations of this nature all of the time. The two of us have worked our tails off to get our family where we are today. It's has been a long, hard, bumpy, but incredible ride. It's important to stop, look around and bring yourself down to earth. I'm very thankful for the life we have. Handouts or outside financial support have never been in the cards for us. We may not have the biggest house and the fanciest cars. We may have to save and sacrifice to take that family vacation, but together, we've made this life happen on our own. We have a comfortable life and that's all I can ask for. I look at each phase of our life as a stair step to a lifelong staircase of goals and we're already working to climb to the next one. 

Married Life
My husband and I are approaching year number thirteen in this crazy marriage life! It's hard to believe. We married young and literally had to grow up together into real world adulthood...and fast. I graduated with my bachelors at age 22 and walked down the aisle one month later. We had our firstborn just a year and a half later during a time when gas was $4 per gallon, we didn't make very much money, we lived in a fixer-upper and there were times when we didn't know if we could buy groceries. Fast forward thirteen years and the same still holds true...marriage is hard work, regardless of the stage. It takes showing up every single day and choosing the person you're married to, again and again. 

There was a time when I wasn't sure we'd make it. I'm thankful that together (partially thanks to quarantine) we went back to square one and prioritized romanticizing certain aspects of our marriage. For us, it takes a few key things. They are simple things, yet have made all of the difference in our relationship. First, we communicate. Isn't it crazy how communication impacts literally 99% of situations? Second, we hug...a lot. I know there's science behind the positive effects of hugs. I'm not sure what it is, but the effects are positive. In addition, we listen when the other needs to speak or get something off of their chest. On top of that, add honesty, transparency, support and gratitude. Next, we binge shows together; a simple concept yet it's time spent, turning our brains off from life's challenges, enjoying being in our home and sharing interest in the something together. There's far more to it, but I will mention just one more impactful marriage trait that sounds silly. We laugh and laugh often. It really is the best medicine. Whether it's inside jokes, a situation that may have happened that day or a good laugh when life throws us a ridiculous amount of bad luck, I can't recommend it enough. Just find a reason to laugh. 

The bottom line is...life is all about perspective and that is a choice that you have to make day in and day out. You can choose to be the light, the reason someone smiles today and that much-needed positive presence or you can immerse yourself in the abundance of negativity that our world offers. I hope you choose the positive side. It takes work and dedication, but you can do it! 

 

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