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What If?

Being so close to the end of this pregnancy has brought a lot of apprehension. I've been incredibly blessed throughout this entire experience to have a relatively easy pregnancy which has been free of complications. Of course anyone would be apprehensive when bringing in not just one, but two lives into the world. It's incredibly frightening to think that I'm going to be responsible for the needs of two infants at the same time. I know that I am up to the task, otherwise God would not have chosen us to take this on. 

But there are a few pregnancy closing aspects that I am so worried about. What if my body doesn't go into labor on its own and I carry these girls to 38+ weeks? They are already decent sized and are supposed to gain 1/2 lb per week each! My first pregnancy has left me so worried, because I just never went into labor. I carried for two weeks past my due date! I went in for a scheduled induction and never actually needed pitocin, which was a relief. One little dose of cytotec and BAM, my body shot into a labor whirlwind. I just needed a little bit of persuasion I guess. 12 hours later, our baby boy made his arrival. 

My doctor says now that because the babies have remained in the head-down position, we can cancel the scheduled c-section. Such a relief! I really want to try for a natural birth, having had such a wonderful experience giving birth to my son. But here's the catch, she says she won't take them until 38-39 weeks if I don't go on my own. 37 weeks is considered full-term for twins. That seems like an eternity from now and I am so worried about the size of these girls. I just looked at her like she was insane and I will admit, I left my appointment feeling incredibly discouraged. One of the first things she said to me when I first found out that we were having twins, was that I wouldn't have to worry about going overdue. Now she is saying that she could potentially (yet again) let me carry two weeks past? Does she hate me or something?? 

Obviously the odds of going into labor are very high with twin pregnancies, but what if I don't? I'm already starting to have a difficult time with pains and exhaustion. I feel like my belly cannot get much tighter and they are so cramped in there. 

Next week, my doctor will start checking me for progress. I'm hoping for the best. My doctor did say that if my body is showing signs of being ready to deliver, that she could potentially induce at 37 weeks. That sounds better than 38-39! She just shouldn't have said that to me at this point, even if she is thinking it. Talk about crushing one very pregnant lady! I'm sure I'm just freaking myself out. I just pray pray pray every single day that I will go into labor on my own when the girls are ready to arrive. 

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