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Kitchen Slow Dances


"Mom, can I go to the dance on Tuesday?" 

My eleven year old asked me this very question and of course I said yes. It will be his first-ever school dance and it's right after school for two hours next week in honor of Valentine's Day. My only ask of him was that he didn't dress like a homeless person for school that day. Maybe he will finally take the tags off of those super nice jeans and sweaters collecting dust in his closet!

Of course I'm excited for him to experience this ritual, but why am I so nervous about it? I think the overprotective, wants what's best for her son, apprehensive about mean kids, version of me worries about him experiencing two different things. First, what if he musters up the courage to ask a girl to dance and is rejected? Secondly, what if he has a run in with mean kids? He has dealt with his share of them this year in middle school. I finally (and I do mean FINALLY) hear him mentioning his friends at his new school. This is a massive relief for any parent. Sending your child to school where you fear that he feels alone is by far one of the most gut wrenching feelings a parent can experience.

I would love to be a fly on the wall at Rhylan's first dance. I want to see those awkward moments; the ones that I can recall from my own first dances. I told him that I was going to chaperone (for the record, I'm not going to) just to see his reaction. Let's just say that idea wasn't well received. It's mortifying to have your parents chaperone (no offense if you are reading this Mom). Now that we've shared the somewhat negative mom vibes that I'm experiencing leading up to this dance, let's flip to the positive starting with a trip down memory lane. 

My first dance was in the sixth grade at J&K Acrobats. 99% of readers won't know what this place is, but it was a childhood staple for those of us who grew up in Payson in the 90's/early 2000's. We learned to tumble, we had cheer practice there and we also had a dance or two. This is where I had my first awkward slow dance with a guy who was a little older than I was. I'll never forget it. The insecure part of me was shocked to be asked to dance. I always felt insignificant and unpretty (who remembers that TLC song?), so this was a big deal to me. I tried to keep it cool, but I was a massive ball of nerves. When he leaned in for a kiss (you can't make this stuff up), I was mortified and pretty much ran away. He shall remain nameless, but aside from the shocking attempt at a smooch, I am thankful for that moment in my childhood. The dances to follow, held at our school, were never as fun as those J&K dances were. By then friendship circles had changed and while I had the most amazing and incredible best friend by my side, I never felt that I fit in after that. Now that we've gone down memory lane....let's get back to my mom moments with Rhylan! 

Earlier this week, I told Rhylan to stand in the middle of the living room. He actually obliged, which is shocking considering I think part of being a middle schooler is questioning everything your parents as you to do. Confused, he asked me why I would need him to do this. I said, "Let's say your jam comes on. Show me your moves!" It took 2.5 seconds for his face to turn red and for him to burst into laughter. Did I mention that he has the best laugh when it's uncontrolled and genuine? We don't hear it enough and you can almost imagine it in this photo. He refused to reveal his moves, so I'm going to take it as that must mean that they are pretty sweet. Another moment that I will hold onto forever took place in our kitchen. As we discussed the dance, I asked him if he knew how to slow dance. Obviously he does not. So I taught him how. It was beautifully awkward, but absolutely priceless as a mom. I told him about the teachers who will be making sure there is enough space between him and the girl he's dancing with. I told him that he will be glad he practiced and not to take it personally if a girl says she doesn't want to dance. Chances are, she's just as nervous as he is. 

Why is it so hard to let our kids go, grow and experience the same firsts that we once did? Did my mom experience these same apprehensions? If she did, she never let it be known. Now that I see things from the mom perspective, it's tough to know that we can't shield them from everything. We have to let them try and fail, experience rejection and rise above, just like we once did. I can only hope that he has a wonderfully awkward first dance, busts some sweet moves, doesn't get in trouble and has friends to hang out with. That's all I want. That...and for him to look presentable rather than his daily look of sweatpants and t-shirts. If you are a fellow Palmyra mom and will be at the dance, can I ask a favor of you? Secretly look out for Rhylan! 

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