Hot Mess Mommy Express

The feeling of being trapped in your own body as it spirals out of control....how many of you have felt that way? I started 2023 in the doctor's office to talk about the crazy symptoms I had been experiencing (yet trying to deny) for the last year. Here's a run-down of the hot mess-ness that I found all consuming for far too long: Hair Loss Uncontrollable Weight Gain Debilitating Fatigue  Joint & Muscle Pain Terrible Menstrual Cycles Sensitivity to Cold Anxiety and Depression I remember absolutely cringing inside as I put this laundry list of front of my doctor. My inner narrative (this is something I'm still working on) can be so harsh and I had myself convinced that I was being a baby and needed to suck it up. However, "suck it up" was no longer an option. My TSH levels indicated a thyroid issue, which was commonly linked to the list of symptoms I presented. The first diagnosis was that of Hypothyroid Disorder and I was immediately put on Levothyroxin.  Mont...

For me, 2023 has been a year of conquering fears and making lifestyle changes. As parents, how often do we place ourselves on the back burner? It's so common and I am 100% guilty of it. This year, something inside of me clicked. Maybe it's the whole "wisdom with age" thing. Maybe it's finally getting the courage to go to therapy. Perhaps, it's a little bit of both. For me, it happened with a 3-step plan. It's a plan that terrified me, but I held myself accountable and put the plan into action.  Step 1: Medical Health January 2023, the 4th to be exact, started with a wellness visit to my primary care doctor. Was I even allowed to refer to her as that when I hadn't paid her a visit since 2018? Yes. 2018. Of course, we had the whole pandemic thing in the mix, but we can only use that excuse for so long. I hadn't had a women's well check since 2018. I was having all kinds of strange symptoms, that I told myself was just the downward spiral to 40 (n...

It's taken me years to finally get the courage to address several areas of my own well-being. It all started with a trip to the doctor during the first week of January. I received so much insight into issues I've been experiencing and problems that I had been choosing to ignore. I've been on medications for over a month and I truly feel like a brand new version of me.  Growing up, medication was something that was frowned upon and feared in our household. Once I became a parent, my entire perspective shifted. I knew that I would do anything in my power to give my children relief from whatever they may be experiencing. From everyday colds, to the flu, ear infections and even a journey into Juvenile Idiopathic Arthritis , we've overcome a lot....thanks to modern medicine. However, there is one particular person who was left behind in this journey.  Me.  How often have we kept ourselves on the back burner as moms? How many times have we made appointments for our kids, tak...

When it comes to Valentine's Day, we typically think of long stem roses, date nights with your significant other and cheesy love stories! While those are all great aspects of February 14th, I think it's so important for us to recognize the other loves of our life. Our kids!  You spend the holiday season doing all of the holiday things and then suddenly the dreary winter season is upon us with not much to look forward to until spring. Why not add in an extra reason to celebrate as a family? And that my friends is how our Zehnle Family Annual Valentimes Day came into existence. Every year our kids look forward to it and every year, it brings me joy to do it for them. Why "valentimes" and not valentines you may ask?  When our kids were little, they would always say "Valentimes Day." I think it's literally the cutest thing and I never had the heart to correct them. So it has remained the official title of our family celebration. We celebrate the growth of o...

This is the part of motherhood that I feel no one prepared me for. Perhaps you can't really be prepared at all. I didn't think it would happen as quickly as it did.  I'm talking about the day you wake up and your firstborn child is looking you in the eye and well on the way to surpassing your height. Can we not?  Seriously!  Sending Rhylan to middle school last year was a very tough concept to grasp. I've come to terms with being the mother of a middle schooler. I mean...what choice do I have? In doing so, I've had a front row seat to extraordinary growth (and I'm not just talking about physically). I've watched him overcome so much. Whether it was constant encounters with a bully (no one prepares you for that either), watching him navigate tough decisions, strengthening his sportsmanship or taking accountability... I'm constantly amazed by him. Last year was fifth grade. He seemed like a baby walking into that giant middle school. We're currently im...

While I don't believe in new year resolutions, I do believe in goals, aspirations and dreams. As a society, we're made to feel that with each new year, we must make resolutions, which more often than not, fade by March or set us up for failure. The feeling of failure is never good for the spirit, so a couple of years ago, I decided to stop giving in to that societal pressure. I have found that self-reflection is an excellent place to begin a new year and set realistic goals. This year, I started by challenging myself to what I named Frugal January. It's exactly what it sounds like. I challenged myself to only spend on necessities. I gave up runs to the coffee shop and trips to TJ Maxx. I gave up frivolous, careless and impulse-based spending, no matter how big or small it was. I asked myself one question with every single purchase decision, "do I really need this?" If I could live without it, I declined it. Did this cause me physical pain at times? Yes! There were...

Are you someone who has put herself on the back burner? Maybe you're like me and you've neglected your healthcare needs for years? Today is the day that you make a change. Okay? Say it with me.  I matter. My health and well-being matters. How did that feel? Was it hard to say? Did it leave you with a pit in your stomach? That pit in your stomach is your body's way of telling you that you need to make a change. I decided that a new year was the perfect time to push myself to make an appointment and take the first steps toward medical wellness. Self-care is a topic that we hear about almost daily. We're told to take care of ourselves so that we can take care of others. Make time to rest. Eat well. Exercise. Have a good skincare routine. Declutter our spaces. Listen to our bodies. Meditate. Be mindful. The list goes on and on....and while I have mastered many of those things, I also realize that medical wellness also fits into the equation (whether I want to admit it or no...

  Expectation Reality Screaming yelling and fighting by 8:30 a.m.  Mom chugging coffee.  Dad trying to have work calls while trying to pretend there isn't screaming in the background. Dog paw prints all over the floors.  Instant headache.  Thinking about having a good cry.  Kicking the kids outside.  Kid takes snowball to the face. More tears.  All of the deep breaths. Trying to maintain my work ethic.  Longing for spring and realizing it's very far away.  Wishing I was in my quiet office.  Setting a time to drink wine. 

If you follow my social media or are a long-time reader of this blog, then you are aware that two years ago, we decided to make a major change and move out of Illinois. Moving to Missouri was a long-time dream and goal shared with my husband. So it was in August of 2020, that the opportunity found us when we weren't actively seeking it. It's funny how things work out, isn't it? And one thing is certain, I've grown to love our new hometown. Moving to a brand new town does come with its unique challenges, especially for moms. To name a few... Not having any local connections. Navigating a brand new school system (during a pandemic). Overall uncertainty and moments of self-doubt. Did we make the right choice? Realizing very quickly just how "clique-y" our new hometown is and wondering if I would fit in. A crazy, strange and awkward situation (one that will remain unmentioned) that made me extra apprehensive to plant roots in our new hometown. If you are close fri...

 "Nothing that is meant for you will miss you."  I'm blessed to have become a member of a fantastic group of leadership-focused, uplifting and supportive women this year. What started as a paid initiative to learn and strengthen leadership skills (we are in fact doing these things), became the group of ladies that I didn't know I needed in my life. However, I like to believe that God brought us together for a reason. Each of us are on our own career journeys and are in different stages of our lives, but the life lessons, encouragement and blessings that each of these ladies have brought into my life are things that I will carry with me forever.  Was I searching for this learning opportunity? No. In fact, it was recommended to me only after another colleague couldn't pursue it. Do I feel like I was placed in this group for a reason? Yes.  The above phrase is something that was shared in our last session and it hit me right in the feels. How often do we spend our ti...

 Breathe.  Do you ever choose a word to serve as the overarching theme for the new year? This is mine. While I'm not planning to make any resolutions, I do set goals all year long. In recent conversations about 2022 and a lot of reflecting, I realize just how much of my time didn’t actually belong to me. I did the one thing I said I would never do. I overbooked, over-scheduled and gave a majority of my time to others.  I struggled with ongoing feelings of burnout. I was stressed to the max. Overstimulated most days. I rarely took time off from work, because I felt I couldn't. I felt that I let a lot of people down in the process; those I had to turn down. There were the friends we didn't get to see. There were the celebrations we had to miss. There were the moments when I just needed to breathe, but instead remained in survival mode.  At the same time, 2022 did have its special moments and lifelong memories! Don't get me wrong. There were moments that I truly enjoyed...

I'm not sure what it is about 2022, but I will tell you this. It has been overbooked, over-scheduled, overwhelming, demanding and short on time. Just when I think I feel a breather coming on, our calendar fills right back up and I find myself longing for time to do nothing....literally! I can't be the only one who feels this way. Don't get me wrong, we've always been active and busy, but this year hits different. I've definitely dropped the ball along way in some areas, but for the most part, I'm proud of the fact that I've managed to keep most of them in the air.  Lately I have felt added weight to my mental health, unlike anything I've ever felt before. I go to work five days a week where so many depend on me. I go home where so many depend on me. Our 2022 downtime has been allocated to sports and countless engagements. All the while you can find me scanning our calendar looking for gaps. I haven't felt the time to really process certain aspects of...

Reposted from my September 11, 2020 Facebook Post. Today was one of those mornings...I felt like my hair was on fire, there was spilled juice all over one's clothing, the breakfast bar and the floor, my kids were fighting, the dishwasher didn't run the night before and the dishes piled high. I felt like time was moving twice as fast as it normally does. I scrambled to pack three lunches and it was a mad rush to get myself and three humans out the door for school...I felt spent, absolutely over the morning routine, just as my kids were. I looked up and said, "Lord, I'm not sure I can do this today. I'm tired. I'm spent. My kids are spent. Please give us the strength to take on this day." I gave up on the rush, because we were already late and took a deep breathe. On the drive to school, I apologized to my kids for such a rough start to their Friday. I reminded them that it wasn't even 8:00 a.m. and that we could still turn our day around (a reminder to ...

We did it! Week one of back-to-school is under our belt and our second week has begun. It's amazing how quickly my kids (and myself really) were able to fall back into routine. I'm not sure if it's just the initial excitement of a fresh start, seeing their friends or they were getting bored with summer downtime, but I am just so proud of our kids for jumping back into the groove. I always joke that the excitement fades quickly and before I know it, we are back on the struggle bus. I anticipated a rough start with our Monday morning routine today, but much to my amazement, we had a positive start to the week! This school year came with a new morning routine and family dynamic. With my husband's new fully remote job, I no longer have to drop off and pick up the kids from school anymore. This gives me a little extra time and less rush in the morning. It lightens my load up a bit, which I didn't realize how much I needed. I feel like I can soak up those breakfast conver...

For the first time in almost twenty years, I was pulled over by a police officer. For some this isn't a big deal, but for me, it left me with lasting impact. Want to hear the story?  Last Thursday, I left work feeling mentally exhausted, more than normal. I put my hot mess express in drive and headed for home, just like I do on every single work day. How often do we drive somewhere without a recollection of how we got there? How often are we driving while spaced out?  Here's the scary part. I don't remember the drive. I have a mental block somewhere as a result of constantly running on autopilot.  Sometimes the pressures of career life, married life, parenting life and everyday life take their toll on us. Am I right? I try my best to use my commute as a time to gather myself, clear my head and get ready for the next phase of my days. On this particular day, I felt so drained. I hadn't slept well in a while. I felt like I was carrying a massive load and I drove home, for...

Suddenly you're 30 and think to yourself that the next ten years are going to be the best yet. It feels like you have so much of the 30's ahead of you, but then suddenly you hit the mid-way hump and realize that you are now on the downward toward 40. I'm not sure how that happened, but I won't lie! I do love the 30's. The 20's were tough, as we worked hard, struggled to get by at times and tried to find our way. Today is my 35th birthday, so I feel the need to offer words of encouragement to those who may need it! Are you a twenty-something who dreads the 30's? Are you already in your 30's and feel defeated by it? I'm here to encourage you to stop! Brace yourselves for this one, because some of these are mind-blowing. Okay...more like comical, but nonetheless, here you go.  Enjoy my personal list of reasons why I love the 30's!  Unlike my 20's, I feel like I somewhat (not fully) have my sh*t together.  We have more financial wiggle room than ...

I would be lying if I said I didn't sit in my office for a moment to just reflect (and shed a few tears) as we wrap up yet another whirlwind school year. With every single last day of school (and the first days) comes the further realization that my kids are growing so fast. They have become intelligent, talented, passionate, brave, loving (and sometimes mischievous) individuals and I am so proud of them.  Over the last nine months, I've packed hundreds of lunches, styled hair, checked for shiny white teeth, handed out vitamins, prepared breakfasts, wiped away tears, given countless hugs, adjusted work for sick days, powered through snow days, looped through the morning drop off line with an "I love you" and cleaned out endless papers from backpacks. One thing is certain. The days often seemed so long, but they were oh so short!  Rhylan had the biggest transition year of all....middle school. This came with so many tough moments. As a mom, there is something so emotio...

I've been very aware of several trends that are making a massive comeback with Gen Z and even with us millennials. Welcome back biker shorts, high waisted denim, chokers and platform sandals, to name a few! To be honest, I don't hate it! I actually love it. Does that mean we were trendsetters back in the day? I like to think yes! Returning trends have inspired this blog entry and I hope that some of you can relate. Growing up, I absolutely cringed at the thought of a clothes from a thrift store, garage sale or anything in between. You see, back in my youth, you weren't considered "cool" in our small-town school unless you were rocking Tommy Hilfiger, Z Cavaricci, Calvin Klein, Nike, Doc Marten (are you feeling nostalgic yet) or shopped at The Buckle. I knew my parents couldn't afford it, but yet our Mom always tried to keep us looking and feeling stylish! Once I started earning my own money, you could find me putting things on layaway at The Buckle. I look bac...

  I'm the mom who periodically monitors her middle schooler's school gmail account. I monitor for certain things, one being missed homework assignments, because let's face it! He's in middle school and there are so many other things he'd rather be doing than his homework. At the same time, he's smarter than I ever was in school and when he's pushed, he truly can rock his homework, just like the great bands of the early 2000's.  Does my kiddo know that I monitor his school email? Not exactly. Judge me if you want! He does know that I have access to it. I'm not going to defend myself, but I will say that in doing so, I spare myself from a lot of worry. I also monitor for signs of bullying and profanity. I've found both, but that's a discussion for another day. When your child has been the target of bullying on multiple occasions, it's important to watch for the signs, so that you can have evidence when it comes to communication with school ...

Have you ever walked past your family command center/wall calendar only to realize that you never changed the month? In our home, it is still February! Do I still wish it was February? Absolutely not! I love each March day that comes, bringing us closer to spring. I love the spring forward time change that gives us longer days. I love that it's 4th quarter at school and we've nearly survived another school year. The wall calendar that hasn't left February only goes to show just how chaotic and crazy this last month has been, not only at work, but also at home. I've barely known what day it is for weeks now. Not to mention that it's apparently St. Patrick's Day and you can find me in pink today, instead of green, because I still don't know what day it is. My kids were kind enough to greet me with pinches this morning to remind me, but the mornings are so crazy that there wasn't time to change clothes. So off to work I went....without any green. It's f...